3 Shocking Facts about RapeAug 02, 2020
Sara was raped three times; once by her best friend. She is 23 years old and this is her story.
Two years ago, Sara, my roommate's very close friend, came to visit us during a long weekend and told me this story.
She was 16 and was raped at a party with her friends.
She was 18 and was raped at a sleepover by her friend's brother.
She was 21 and went over to her best friend's house. He was crying and extremely upset over a loss. She went over to comfort him and he pushed her down on the couch and took off her pants. She asked him to stop and he said, "don't move. I need this." She felt bad for him and was conflicted in her struggle. When she FELT what was really happening, she tried to push him away and asked him to stop again and he said "please" and kept pushing through. Finally, she felt so much pain that she realized it was easy to let it happen than resist and feel more pain in the "futile resistance."
She told me this story fully composed over breakfast pancakes that I made for us. There are three shocking facts about this story that research confirms:
- Women who have been raped before are twice as more likely to be raped again.
- Most women *think* they would fight off a rape but 80% of women actually freeze, or accept their fate and cry in silence.
- Majority of women are raped by people they know and it happens unexpectedly.
I can relate to that. I was at an immigration lawyer's office a few years ago at 6 pm. He was a referral and people I trusted knew him well and had worked with him for years. He worked with Syrian refugees and Mexican immigrants. He was a man I respected and trusted. At some point during the visit, he took quite a LEAP forward. I panicked and froze.
Fortunately, my training helped me snap out of it.
I found my voice.
I found my strength.
I got off and I made it home safely.
This is not just my story. This happens to EVERY WOMAN.
85% of women face such threats at least ONCE in their lifetime.
Read that sentence again.
So what can YOU do about it?
- Be prepared. Always. Keep your phone charged and handy. Know what you're wearing, how much you can move in it, and how you can use that as a weapon (heels? ring?).
- Know what's around in an office (situational awareness). Items. Exits. People.
- Practice yelling, falling on the couch or bed with a trustworthy partner, pushing away, and standing back up.
- Create a personality that's BOLD & STRONG (you can still be feminine) that NO ONE would DARE take advantage of.
Looking at this list you might think, "but I don't want to do these. I don't want to be scared all the time". Taking action is not about being scared, ti's about being prepared. When we brush our teeth every night, we aren't doing it out of fear that they are going to rot and fall off. We brush our teeth to keep them safe. In the same way, we train regularly to keep our bodies safe. Honestly, with the right training, you'll only train consciously for 6-9 months. Then you'll start taking precautions subconsciously without even realizing. It's like driving a car - hard at first, and we don't even think about it now. To START, it will require intentional action on your part.
So what is the ONE ACTION that you're going to take today towards your SAFETY after reading this story? Send me a message to help commit yourself to it!
If this was a tough story for you, let me leave you with an amusing movie-like ending.
When Sara called her dad that night, he sent his "employees" over to beat up her best friend. Apparently, Sara's dad is an Italian Mafia 😲 The boy called her a few days later begging her to save him because they kept coming back for him every single night!
Wishing you a Safe and Happy Sister's Day.